A grave error has been made.  A mistake that is practically unforgivable.  A film that should never have made it out of the fim festival circuit actually got picked up by Warner Bros and is slated for a summer release date, with tons of “hype” behind it.  The movie we’re talking about, the movie that two of my friends and I always make the butt of our jokes and shudder to think we ever experienced it, is of course Splice.  You can read my initial spoiler heavy review.  My feelings haven’t changed much since then, except that there will apparently be some editing being done to the film due to a WB mandate.  Who knows, maybe the studio can put it on the chopping block long enough to turn it into at least a regular old bad movie, and not the laughing stock of cinema that it was when I saw it.

It almost seems contradictory to talk about why no one should see this movie, the whole “any press is good press” business.  Yet since there are actually people out there endorsing this film and not many taking the time to be honest about the ridiculousness of it, a voice of reason has to come from somewhere.

Slated for a June 4th wide release (over 3,000 theaters), Splice is getting as good treatment as District 9 did.  But the difference of course, as this reviewer knows, is that D9 had merit to it.  A script that was up for an Oscar, as well as a Best Picture nod.  In a most humble opinion, Splice will never get such recognition.  What’s more is that last year Moon, which also debuted at Sundance, which was an amazing movie, never got snagged by a studio and was only ever released in 252 theaters.  Yet in the first ten minutes, that movie has more cinematic and artistic quality to it than Splice could ever dream of.  It’s an irony that will infuriate me for years to come.

What should be cause for great anxiety though, is how this movie will be received.  Will people buy into the studio propaganda that it’s actually worth seeing, or will those that have actually seen the movie be able to spread the word fast enough to save their loved ones the pain of having the memory of Splice in their minds forever?  Prediction: complete box office bust and Adrien Brody will look back on this film as the one that killed his career.